Tuesday, June 12, 2007

CFS Tuesday

Part of our ongoing series about life with CFS.

I am becoming more aware of how little it takes to upset my physical equilibrium.

My physical therapist has given me a home program that requires a certain level of activity every other day. Last week's IBS had such a strong effect on my overall energy level that I missed two days of the program. Even after twelve years of living with CFS, I am still amazed at the fragility of my equilibrium.

I keep records of my daily activity, symptoms and medication. The more detailed my record keeping becomes, the more fragility I see. Anything can upset the equilibrium. Bad news, an IBS flare, too long a wait time in the doctor's office - those are just a few examples. If I'm lucky, it only takes a few days to get back to "normal." Sometimes though, it can take months.

I see my equilibrium for what it is: a teeter-totter at the point of balance. Even the weight of a small bird can tip it in one direction or another. So what do I do? In order to protect this fragile balance, I would have to avoid unpredictability. It would be easy to take that to an extreme. Do I avoid talking to people on the phone? Do I carry food with me, and only eat what I am able to cook for myself? Do I limit my activity to that small amount I can easily tolerate, and never go to the movies or dinner at a friend's?

Or is it worth tipping the teeter-totter in order to enjoy a little more of life?

1 comment:

Celeste said...

oy, another CFS Tuesday is almost here, and I'm just reading this one.

Having lived with a father with chronic pain, and having endured my own short-term recovery after the car accident, I'm familiar with the equilibrium.

But that's as far as it goes - peripheral.

I am at a loss for words, but am thinking about your doctors and hoping they appreciate having someone who is as methodical as you to work with! I hope you realize that all of these things you do contribute to the process of capturing the whole picture of this horrible illness.

Telling your story can't always be easy, but you are brave, and live your live in a very triumphant manner.

love you